Spakkaslovakia in Frankfurt to sign Achenbach

20 April 2023

SPK v Bosnia & Herzegovina: Match Abandoned

13 April 2023

Spakkaslovakia v Lebanon: Match Result

10 January 2023

Defiant Spakkaslovakia win Semi-Finals on penalties

07 January 2023

Hat-trick El Parrotés Undoes Perdenti Defence

06 January 2023

SFA Statement on allegations regarding Og Crainey

04 January 2023

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1 Og CRAINEY

Goalkeeper

57 Penbi ENCELADUS

Goalkeeper, Forward

9 Del Mundo EL PARROTÉS

Forward, Captain

13 Lucas LASAGNE Red

Forward

19 Mark AINSWORTH

Forward

23 Antonio SORRENTINO

Forward

7 Keanan PERUMAL

Defender

10 Nacho SIERRA

Midfielder

11 William BAILEY

Midfielder

12 Andrew NICHOLSON

Midfielder

14 Neil FLINDERS

Midfielder

15 Luciano Spoletti CRUCIO

Midfielder

16 Pavel SOBELEWSKI

Midfielder

17 John MAHON

Midfielder

2 William MURRAY

Defender

3 Audrey CHAWNER

Defender

5 Senred WHELAN

Defender

6 Herbert RICKETTS

Defender

18 Sandra BAKKER

Forward

20 Emine DEMIR

Forward

21 Vasco RAMOS

Forward

22 Jessica FROST

Forward

24 HAN Jun

Forward

29 Hotèl CHOCOLATO

Midfielder

26 Old McDONALD

Midfielder

25 HAN EUN-SEO

Midfielder

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This game was abandoned after Bosnia & Herzegovina left the field of play in the 23rd minute, whilst Spakkaslovakia had already slotted home 12 goals.Spakkaslovakia were awarded an automatic walk-over and a 3-0 win.

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No detailed match report is available for this game.

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Spakkas went up against a fierce France side, but after 120 minutes of play, the two sides couldn't be seperated.The first half was strong from the Spakkas, with several chances from Lasagne and El Parrotés, but French goalkeeper Lloris was ready to stop them.The Spakkas defence remained strong into the second half, with the manager opting for a 5-4-1 configuration, making it difficult for France to make many opportunities for a break. After over an hour of play, it was the Spakkas captain El Parrotés to put it away for 1-0, with an excellent strike from distance - a player at the top of his game.However, Spakkas seemed to let their guard down, and within 15 minutes, Mbappé scores for France, with Penbi making a huge blunder costing Spakkaslovakia the lead.In the final seconds of injury time, Spakkas make a break for goal, but it wasn't to be as Lasagne sends it wide, and so at the end of the 90', it was still level at 1-1. To extra time it went.An outstanding defence returned for extra time, allowing France no opportunities on goal, retaining possession, and tiring out our opposistion. It remained 1-1 at the end of 120'. The game was to be decided on spot kicks.

PENALTY KICKS

Goalkeeper Penbi was vital in this penalty shootout, making two fantastic saves from Coman and Tchouaméni. Lasagne and El Parrotés lamp it home in true style, and it results in a 4-2 victory for the Spakkas on penalties.Spakkaslovakia now move onto the finals, where they will play Argentina or Brazil for the lucrative EA Cup.

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Captain El Parrotés leads his side to victory against Perdenti after a defiant perfomance from the Spakkas.Perdenti took an early lead after a series of blunders from Lucas Lasange left the Spakkas 2-0 down within 20 minutes.El Parrotés single-handedly leveled the match 2-2 before half-time, with some exquisite tap-ins as a result of cross-ins from Lasagne and Penbi.After half-time, the Spakkas were out to win it, and they did so in style. It wasn't long before Bill Murray made an outstanding attempt on goal from 33 yards, with Perdenti keeper Al-Bussan saving the shot onto the post, which then went out for a corner. Penbi sends the ball straight for Lasagne, who nods it in for 3-2, and take the lead for the first time in this game.With just 14 minutes of regulation time remaining, Perdenti's Jordan Berlusconi slides in on Pat McGlenn inside the box, wiping her out, and results in the referee blowing for a penalty. Spakkas captain steps up for the spot kick, and rockets it in to make it 4-2.But the Spakkas just weren't happy with 4-2. With seconds remaining, Penbi manages to whip through the opposistion's defence and put the ball away for 5-2.A superb result for the Spakkas, who now move onto the Semi-Finals of the EA Cup, where they'll face either France or Gibraltar.

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The Association Management would like to make a statement regarding the allegations of misconduct from Spakkaslovakia goalkeeper Og Crainey that have appeared in the media over the past few weeks.The Spakkaslovakia Football Association takes these allegations very seriously.We can confirm that the SFA Directors board has voted to temporarily suspend Og Crainey whilst an investigation into Og Crainey's misconduct is carried out. The SFA is working closely with Spakkaslovakia state police, and will them in their investigation.The SFA or State Police will make further announcements in due course, as and where necessary.The SFA is unable to comment further on this matter at this time.

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PRESS RELEASEWOLLENBY, SPAKKASLOVAKIAThe Spakkaslovakia Football Association is devestated to announce the death of Patricia McGlenn, aged 82. Patricia McGlenn died this morning during a training exercise at The Bird Cage Stadium in Wollenby whilst preparing for this weekends' EA Cup final.Association director Dexter Baxter-Collins said "McGlenn, although she had only been with the team for a short time, she had made a massive impact. She will be sorely missed by the team and fans, who she had become a quick favourite of".The EA Cup tie is still expected to continue this weekend, though a one minute silence will be held at the beinning of the match to remember McGlenn.An investigation into McGlenn's death is now underway. The family would appreciate their privacy at this difficult time.END

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Penbi El Finito and Lucas Lasagne arrived in Frankfurt and met with head-coach Dexter Baxter-Collins on Wednesday night with the hopes of expanding on the strength and diversity that the Spakkaslovakia team has to offer. With their pivotal roles in the clubs current line-up, they had been ordered by Co-Owners Bill Murray and El Parrotés to help secure the signing of Achenbach, the key German midfielder that could help take the club to the next level.Why has Achenbach been so sought after by Spakkaslovakia? To put it bluntly, his consistency on the pitch has been phenomenal. In his last 17 games for current club Eintracht Frankfurt, he has achieved a whopping 95% ball win ratio as well as a 90% pass completion and an average of 1 assist in those games.Spakkaslovakia have been missing someone with that sort of quality in the midfield for quite some time with Hotél Chocolato and Old McDonald missing many opportunities to play as of late.In a recent interview with Co-owner Bill Murray, he states “I don’t just want Achenbach in our squad, I need Achenbach in our squad and If I want, or even need something or someone, then you can bet your life that I will fork out to obtain it.” He continues “To be honest, Trivellato and Old McDonald lack the pace to be honest and are, quite frankly, a bit shit. We need more energy, someone to help support Bailey and Nicholson when they are injured or even join them in the line-up.”We tried to speak to Parrot, however, he was extremely busy practising his three-yard tap in’s. He did however leave us with one comment, “He will be brilliant, but he ain’t taking my penalties from me”.Thanks to exclusive insider access, we were able to report on the whole negotiating situation between Penbi, Lasagne, Achenbach and his agents. The conversations were positive and it appears as though a deal was secured for a 1-year contract with an annual salary of £50 plus 1 hot meal a week.We spoke to Achenbach following his agreement to join Spakkaslovakia - “So how are you feeling about your move from Eintracht Frankfurt to Spakkaslovakia?” our reporter asked, “Well I’m a little nervous for sure. This is a big move to a very big club, a club that has high hopes and expectations of me. I have been performing at the top of my game lately and I am keen to grow my potential with Spakkaslovakia.” Achenbach added “Of course I have my eyes on the fabled EA Cup and have always dreamed of being able to add it to the already illustrious collection that the Cottagers have. Division 1 is also somewhere I feel I can bring the club back to, increasing the potential for a league title.”.From our understanding this signing is going to be something special, something that the Cottagers truly need right now. Stay tuned for their next match on Monday 24th April at 7pm, live from the BirdCage where it is believed Achenbach could make his first appearance.

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The Spakkaslovakia Football Association is pleased to announce that Pat McGlenn has been called up to represent her country at the upcoming EA Cup tie against Perdenti on January 6, 2023.Pat McGlenn, who recently came out of retirement and began playing for Brentford, has been bought into the team for her incredible performances at Brentford.McGlenn will become the joint oldest player for Spakkaslovakia at 81, sharing her birthday with Og Crainey, who was also born on January 1.Speaking to SBC News shortly after the announcement, SFA Director Dexter Baxter-Collins said McGlenn was a "special talent" and that she'd be a "vital weapon" in their upcoming EA Cup ties.McGlenn, who's also played for Gaydon Village FC in her younger years, has impressed SFA management over the past month, having slotted away two vital penalty kicks when Brentford went up against Spakkaslovakia, in a match that ended with penalties at 15-14 to Brentford.The 81-year-old will join the team training sessions from Monday.

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